If you’d browse my stack of old, worn-out, messed-up-to-the-last-page journals, you’ll see how plenty of checkboxes I had drawn there with the words “write and publish a book” beside them.
Month after month, year after year, I would write on the last page of a journal notebook then get a new one. And each time, I would put a checkbox with the same goal “write and publish a book” and leave it unchecked—until 2017.
I remember how I, at last, felt ready and had a clear plan for the book. It was quite easy because I wanted it to be a memoir and I had my journal on hand for its outline. Recalling it, I can see myself praying many times and squeezing my eyes before spreading my fingers on the keyboard. I was begging God for grace, for anointing, for everything I thought I should ask Him for because I knew well how the book won’t be as beautiful if it would only be written by me. My prayers finished with deep breaths and a loud exhale that said, “OK. Game, Lord.”
I then realized that the words were already in my heart. I needed not to find them anywhere. I felt the weight of every word while dribbling the letter keys. The scenes felt so real to me that I shed tears, I laughed, I yearned. It was an awesome experience. Daunting yet liberating. Terribly painful and mending at the same time. And, of course, fulfilling.
Finding You: a memoir on dreams, detours and destiny was published by Shepherd’s Voice Publication (Feast Books) in 2017; the checkbox was finally checked. The book sits in bookshelves today. Perhaps, other copies are in somebody’s desk, drawer, or bag. Testimonies confirm that God is where Finding You is.
I think I’m writing this because things changed after that, and today, I want to remember how things were when the checkbox wasn’t yet checked. I should go back to that memory—to the feeling of knowing what I want, of working on what I want, and of desiring it strongly and persistently. And I must remember how God was with me throughout the journey.
Today, I should go back there.
Elaine Marie Factor 