I recently chanced to become a scholar for a Musical Theatre Workshop. It was more than an answered prayer since I was just hoping to learn more about theatre for a cheap price, but God blew me away with the 100% discount.
At the workshop, there were activities that asked us to internalize and project heavy emotions like hatred, anger, annoyance, and a lot more. At first, everything looked funny to me and visibly failed at keeping and killing the laughs inside. I ended up not having a distorted face or shaking shoulders. I thought I was just too jolly for it albeit I observed that my teacher disapproved of this “lack of focus” in a subtle way.
So the workshop went on, and I found myself choosing happy or ‘light’ characters and struggling when asked to portray otherwise. Soon, it had me reflecting. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I sustain such emotions?
I realized I had recently been coping with hardships by pushing away what I perceived as “negative” or “heavy” emotions and replacing them with happy or positive ones. I would turn away at the sight of their peeking head. Well, it doesn’t sound wrong. But the workshop taught me, in a way, that it’s OK to accept and embrace sadness, anger, annoyance, etc., and that being true to what I feel – or myself – has a liberating effect. Sometimes, I should allow these emotions to swell in me, to furrow my brows, shed some tears, or just experience them in their full form because that’s the best way to know them and defeat them.
I also realized that feeling what I called “heavy” or “negative” emotions doesn’t make me less wise, less optimistic, or less trusting to God. It is normal to feel them. Emotions usually come and then fade.
Humans feel. Even animals, too. It is all a gift, actually – happiness and sadness, love and indifference, fondness and hatred, ecstasy and rage… These “abstractions” are palpable in everything, and it makes life colorful. It makes life awesome.
Elaine Marie Factor 